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Review: The Rebound


Director: Bart Freundlich
Starring: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Justin Bartha, Gabrielle Aimée

The One Where I Watch The Rebound, And Leave Mrs T For CZJ

An email conversation from earlier, copied and pasted, for the world of LFF to see…

Me: Hey, Phil. I just went to see The Fighter, and then went into Hereafter as well. I have interesting things to say about both. Shall I email some revie….

Phil: Have you watched The Rebound, yet?

Me: Yeah. I was going to send a review over next we-….

Phil: Make it tonight. It’s out Monday, and I really want to know if it’s worthy of a Valentines Day pressie for Mrs Phil.

Me: Oh. So… you want me to review another chick-flick?

Phil: Let me ask you something.

Me: … OK…

Phil: Do you think Catherine Zeta Jones saw your review of Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps?

Me: Well… No… I guess not, but…

Phil: Well, if your Blessed review is anything to go by, where the Director read it, and even commented, there is a good chance she may read it. And comment. Possibly even asking you out on a date. And Mrs T will be OK with it. Because she’ll get you out of her way for two minutes, and she can watch Step Up 3 again on the big TV.

Me: Hmmm… You make a compelling case. Can I write about The Fighter tomorrow?

Phil: Have you finished your review of The Rebound, yet?

Me: Ummm…

Phil: Write it, write good. And FFS don’t mention the credits. Who cares about the credits? And stop wasting my mother fucking time!

Me: Ha-ha. Al Pacino in Heat, right?

Phil: Finished??

The Rebound is good fun. Like most men who would far, far rather a night in with Paul Verhoeven, there is a tick list. That list determines whether I can stomach a rom-com, or whether I’m likely to leave Mrs T/Phil for making me watch it. I call it… “The Rom-Com Tick List”.

The tick list comprises of the following:

Charismatic, (and preferably gorgeous), lead female. This gets a big tick. Like the sort my three-year would draw. Mrs Douglas is ageing well. I used to hate her too. Harsh I know. But I really disliked her. It was pretty irrational, too. I even quite liked Entrapment. A big tick here is good news. It means 90 odd means won’t feel like 3 hours.

Plus she swears like a navy. And is ageing really well. The bit where she is in an anger management class, teaching women and children to attack their attackers is genuinely funny. At this point, when I lol’d (laughed out loud!), I realized two things. 1) I was enjoying this chick flick. (Albeit, not as much as watching Casper Van Dien fight off hordes of alien, spidery things). 2) I didn’t care what it was doing to my street rep.

Next on the list? A male lead that I don’t begrudge being with said female. When I say, “don’t begrudge”, essentially I mean I don’t want to shoot him limb from limb. A Robocop nod there. You know. For the lads. (Oo-Ra). Here, we get another tick.

Although I initially confused him with the dude from Clerks 2 (Now THAT’S a rom-com!), I finally placed him as the dude from The Hangover – which although grossly overrated, was good enough fun, and Justin Bartha seems to know his limits. He’s not ugly (a Mrs T quote), and he knows he is better playing it quirky. That way, I guess me, as a 30 year old, in danger of obesity, can live my dream through him. Tick.


Are there kids involved? If so, do I actually sit there hoping one/two/all of them lose two limbs via a lift, several hundred feet above Mars? (Verhoeven FTW!) Christ. It’s three for three. The kids in this are great. Little shits to start with, granted. Then, after Zeta leaves her husband (Dick!), and starts her rebound, we see their real side. And let me tell you something, after seeing Hereafter, Clint could learn something about getting good performances from a child actor watching this. Tick.

Are there animals? No. Tick!

Soundtrack? Tick. (Including CZJ singing not once, but twice. Pretty badly to be fair, but lets not pretend it stopped me loving her. I clearly feel something for her. Hopefully Mrs T will stumble on this review and realize it was out of my control. I had here at “Bitch” (Meredith Brooks).

Finally, and arguably most importantly… what were the credits like? Well, we start with a lift from another CZJ film (back when I hated her), as little characters play out parts from the film. So, tick!

The Rebound is about CZJ finding out her husband is a cheating scumbag. She meets Bartha, who is also on a rebound. He babysits. They fall in love… or do they? I should not like this film. I like Paul Verhoeven films where Kevin Bacon gets invisibalised, and hunts down his team. (And monkeys).

But, I did. Kudos to the film for not playing it straight, and tackling some meaty subjects late on.

I guess I have a heart after all.

The Rebound is available to buy in the UK from the 7th February.


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